Addiction Is a Flat, Gray Place
The hooks that addiction uses to pull in are interesting, almost by definition. Addiction pulls us in by offering a shortcut to some form of happiness, some sort of cheat code to skip the hard parts of life.
Of course it's a lie. What addiction actually has is just a hook that pulls everything down into its well. The trip might be interesting the first few times, but once you're down there all you have is the hard struggle to get back up out. If you stay in the addiction well where all you have a basic stimulus response loop, dragging you deeper.
So yeah, that sucks. And it's kind of where I am. Every fun thing I used to want to do has been co-opted to move me to my addiction. Every time my mind is at rest for a single second addiction pulls at me, distracting me, draining the color from everything around it.
Trying to fight back again. Trying to develop the desire to climb up that hill again.