I Want My Holidays Back

And that's part of why I'm doing this. I want to celebrate Christmas without thinking about when I can get away from my family and use. I want to celebrate the Fourth of July without the addiction. I've been clean longer this time than have in a long time, and this Fourth of July I'm celebrating independence from addiction.

I'm slowly re-learning all the good things that exist in the real world, and being able to experience them without that specific haze is adding a new sheen to them. I still have cravings, I still have the physical pains that my recovery support friends and therapists say are just part of the process, but they're fading, and I'm starting to feel more hope that maybe, juuuuuuuust maybe, this time I can be free. I don't need to fall back into it again.