I'm Tired of This

I'm so tired of trying so hard. I guess this is the next step, the next challenge. The novelty of staying free is wearing off and now I just need to keep at it.

Reality is boring and dull and difficult and I would sincerely like to dive back into using. I would really like to just give up and fall apart. Except I know it's only appealing before I give up, the actual world of addiction is hollow and frantic and guilt-ridden and miserable.

But right now I almost don't care.

I'm still holding strong, and I'm going through all my usual avoidance rituals, including, well, this blog.

Still hanging in there, over a hundred and ten days clean. Might be near 120. Not sure.

Still hanging in there.

-A