Let's Call it 59 Days
I don't actually know the date when I last used. Isn't that odd? Trying to quit has been front and center in my mind for at least two years now, but I couldn't actually tell you when the last time was.
In part this is because I've gotten so good at hiding and denial that I'm pretty good at hiding from myself and denying my own memory.
But it's mostly because at the time I didn't think it would be the last time. I figured there would be another occurrence the next day, or a few hours later, or in a week. Same ol' same ol'. Every time is “the last time, for real, I mean it” but it's hard to make that stick.
It doesn't mean you shouldn't say that, though. Every time should be the last time! I've been told that eventually I'll be right, and that last time will have been The. Last. Time..
Anyway. I've been doing some honest thinking and figuring and looking at a calendar and talking to people, and I can say that 59 days ago is the most recent an occurrence could have happened. It might have been longer. So let's call it 59 days.
-A