One Six Seven

167 days straight isn't bad! Keeping the streak alive this long has really started changing how I view the world.

I laugh a lot more now. I am investing more time and energy into the people I love. I'm no longer holding people out away from me, because I'm no longer afraid they'll discover my secret. I don't have that secret any more. Mostly because I'm no longer afraid of letting people know. I don't say “I used to be addicted to the addiction”, I say “I struggle with addiction, but I've been doing pretty good lately.” and for the most part people are fine with it.

Three Weeks and Two Peaks

This was going to be a separate post, but meh, I'll just put them together.

I've noticed a pattern lately. Cravings come on a three-week cycle, more or less, and when I think I've finally weathered the worst of it, there's a second peak a day or so later. I'm not saying this is how it'll work for everyone, or even how it will work for me next month. But it's helpful for me to know that the first “attack” of cravings isn't alone, that it's got an aftershock that will be along in a bit, and I need to keep myself steeled up and busy that much longer.

Staying busy and active is easier, though. I'm more involved in people, like I said, and so I have less free time to just sit and stress about relapsing. I'm slowly trying to build the rest of my life into something I'm genuinely happy about, taking on new projects or commitments at a rate I think I can handle. There's a lot of time and “brain space” open to me now that used to be tied up in being addicted. It's nice.

I obviously am not totally out of the woods, not sure I will ever be, but I'm in a very good place right now and I'm happy.

-A