Thoughts on Relapse (But I haven't Relapsed. So far.)
Not much going on. Just keeping on. So far, so good.
Which is probably for the best. I was pondering the nature of relapse the other day. It's easy to think that I could indulge “just a little bit” but in my heart of hearts I know that isn't true. I know that if I let myself use at all I'd dive straight down to the lowest, most broken, most addicted depths immediately, Because when cravings come I'm not craving “just a little bit”. I'm craving the full on experience, using like a real addict.
There was a time where “Just a little bit” was enough, but that time is far in my past.
There's a common saying that “relapse is part of recovery.” Or “A relapse doesn't undo progress”.
And that's...true...ish. Those are phrases that should only be said after someone has relapsed, to help them stand back up and keep moving forward. If you (or an addict you know) are on a streak of non-relapse days you should put those thoughts right out of your mind, because they feel like permission to just give up for a while. Falling down and getting back up is good, but not falling down is better.
-A